Real Life Lessons

It went a little something like this...

"Mommy, can you help me put on this pretty dress" (the 4th one and it's only 9 am). 

"Not right now, mommy is trying to get ready for work"  

Repeat a few more times.  

Insert growing frustration that I am unable to put on 3 articles of clothing without interruption... and forget about drying my hair or applying a little make up.  And then she asked again...

And I responded.

"Ava! Mommy can't help you now!  Go play something else, you don't need another dress...Geez..." 

I am ashamed of the tone that I used with my innocent little 3 year old.  Honestly, ashamed. 

My stress level has been through the roof lately.  There is a lot going on and it's overwhelming trying to manage it all.  It's overwhelming from the simple tasks of running my home {and the monstrous piles of laundry could swallow a small child....hmm...maybe just for a few hours??} to the decisions we need to make with D's new diagnosis {more on that later}.

The truth is that my time with God has taken a backseat with all that is going on.  And the further I distance myself from Him and His Word, the more impatient/irritable I become.  And my children feel the brunt of that.  

Just like my 3 year old who simply wanted some acknowledgment and a little bit of my time, I too desire someone to understand how I am feeling.  Someone to help me through and to offer me encouragement.  What I have found to be true over and over again is that God is the only one who can fully fill that void.  Every human heart, no matter how good intentioned, will falter {see above :-)}.  Even if we run away for a while or are overly needy, He doesn't respond to us the way I did to Ava.  He is full of grace and mercy.  He loves us anyway, flaws and all.

He is refining me every step, and often through seemingly routine happenings in our home.  The moment I heard my voice raise at Ava in frustration, I was convicted.  It wasn't the dresses or the sweet little girl that was the problem, it was my own heart.  I am thankful for this real life lesson from my 3 year old.  I am sure there are many more to come...



xoxo,
Chele

Nutritional Consult

Thanks for sticking around, even though my posts have been minimal as of late.  It is for good reason.  I am soaking up every moment that I can with the fam - and enjoying the glimpses of warm weather we have  had!  I hope you have too!

As I noted in a recent update, we decided to meet with a nutritionist (Dr. Shaw).  We sent away a hair sample as this the superior way to determine if heavy metals are present.  Here is what D's sample yielded:

• No significant heavy metal levels
• Very low mineral levels
• Very low Chromium levels
• High Iodine levels

It's a mix of good news and not-so-good news.  With no heavy metals in the toxic levels, there is no need for oral chelation.  That's the good news.  The concerning news is that all the major minerals are low, indicating that he is not absorbing minerals as he should.  Of most concern is chromium, which is a very important mineral in regulating blood sugar levels.  The high iodine levels in the hair suggest that it is NOT being absorbed elsewhere.

So, what does all this mean? 

The fact that D's chromium levels are so low indicates that he already has trouble regulating blood sugar (it spikes then drops rather than a slow, controlled burn off).   The malabsorption of minerals is likely due to inflammation in the intestinal tract, which is likely due to an allergy/sensitivity to gluten and/or dairy.  And we were given a diagnosis for D regarding the nutritional findings - hyper-reactive hypoglycemia. 

The remedy is pretty simple. Yet it is requiring us to re-evaluate a lot of things we eat and do as a family.  Here's our plan:

• Supplement chromium to help regulate blood sugar
• Continue with current multi-vitamin and Omega 3's
• Add Vitamin D
• Add "Attention Gels", which is a supplement to help, well, you guessed it...attention!
• Remove the common high allergy foods - wheat and dairy
• Remove sugar (ouch, hard one!!!)
• Make sure that all meals/snack have protein component
• Buy Iodized salt for use at home

We have emphasized making D a part of this process, from candidly talking about the results (in 5 year old terms) to taking him to the store to pick out foods.  And he seems to be okay with it.  But, he hasn't been faced with much temptation yet... 

Dr. Shaw has treated PDD with much success, and is confident that we will see a 30-50% improvement in his behavior within 30 days, if not sooner.  

Much of the findings make sense as we often see episodes of anger/frustration that were probably occurring when his blood sugar was crashing.  We are anxious to see if this new diet helps - and I think we will all feel better as we really focus on eating better foods.

We have not stopped pursuit of an "official" diagnosis because he will need it to get help in the school system.  D is scheduled for testing on May 4th.  We would so appreciate your prayers as this day approaches.

xoxo,

Chele

Reward 2 and an Update

As promised, I am here to share with you an update on our work with the child psychologist, specifically regarding the use of rewards for behavior modification.  I know, I know...it's been a long time coming.  And I have a general update on all things D-man since it's been so long!

At one of our recent visits, I spoke candidly to the psychologist about rewarding D's behavior.  She heard me through all the concerns that I had.  If you missed it, you can find it here.

Her response was encouraging.  Of course she gave me the "why" behind it and a bit into the science of it, but was absolutely willing to meet us where our parenting decisions stand.  Actually, the behavior chart helped us to narrow down the biggest issues that D was having.  So, at this time, we have shifted our focus to trying to handle D's difficulty with transitions and aggression.  This is not any easy task at home during the day with 3 little ones to care for alone.

For the most part, I have a handle on things when we are at home and he functions pretty well as he knows what to expect here.  But, it's important that he be able to function outside of this bubble.  When something comes his way that is unexpected, its meltdown city, and it leaves me feeling helpless (and feeling the weight of staring eyes when we are in public).

In talking with others, it came to my attention that D might benefit from wrap around services, which would be provided in our home and/or in the classroom.  THAT is really what he needs.  Going into a room to talk about how he feels just isn't providing the change we desire.  In fact, he often becomes frustrated, asking me "why do I have to go to all these appointments?", which tugs at my heartstrings for sure.  I am pursing all kinds of paperwork to get that going.

Occupational Therapy is going exceptionally well.  The focus of each therapy session is largely channeling his sensory issues and to a smaller extent, working on his fine motor deficits (hand strength, handwriting, visual attention, etc).  We have lots of "homework" from therapy, which keeps us busy during the day.  We are doing the Wilbarger Brushing Protocol daily in an effort to help calm him. 

And lastly, we have consulted with a clinical nutritionist, with whom I have worked with in the past.  I have heard others using this approach with children with PDD (pervasive developmental disorder, which is his medical diagnosis at this time) and have seen success.  I firmly believe that food can directly affect how good or bad we feel.  I have had my own success story working with dietary changes to reduce tinnitus in my ears. The ringing is distracting - I can hear it right now!  And it can be awful sounding like you just left a loud rock concert every night while trying to go to sleep.  When I eat the foods that can influence the inner ear, the ringing is worse and vice versa to make it better.  

The first step was to test for heavy metal toxicity.  We are awaiting the results.  And those results will help the doctor create a plan for D.  I expect to have another appointment with him in the next week or so.  As Dr. Shaw explained, we all metabolize things differently.  And D may not be able to excrete the heavy metals as well as some other kiddos.  He also felt that D was a good candidate for nutritional intervention because of his personality and the fact that his "episodes" of anger/frustration are not constant.  

That's about all the excitement happening around our abode!  Most days are busy and exhausting, but we count ourselves blessed to be together as a family.

xoxo,
Chele


*I realized that a nutritional approach is not fit for everyone, nor in line with everyone's beliefs.  Thus, I have disabled comments at the end of this post.  My heart is to just share with you what we are doing.

A lesson about nothing

This post is, in fact, about nothing. Read on :)

I was having a conversation on the phone with a dear friend. We were catching up on the happenings in each others lives, but the main purpose was to offer my prayers and support for her family as they were met with unexpected circumstances surrounding her husband's health. The night before, I prayed about the conversation that we would have - that I would be able to offer support, yet point her to the true healer. Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, it was her words that pointed me to Him.

As we were discussing a future get together, we turned to discuss the kiddos as we often do (should we bring them or not?). She said that likely she'd have her girls there. And I quickly began to plan how I could NOT have mine there.

Why?

Well, quite frankly, this is where D struggles the most - playing cooperatively and appropriately with other kids. And it honestly fills me with anxiety to even contemplate having him play with other kids. Heaven forbid if they do not want to play Star Wars....

Without hesitation, this friend lovingly responded, "I WANT your kids there, especially if I bring mine."

And those words were enough. 

Simply, I believe that we all desire to feel wanted. With those words, my feelings of anxiety were proved to be unnecessary - WE ARE WANTED.  God tells us there is no need for anxiety -

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God" (Philippians 4:6)

That is how our heavenly Father feels about us - we are wanted, we are loved.  And we are wanted no matter the circumstances surrounding us, whether it be difficult children, health issues, job difficulties, addiction, etc.

How can I be anxious about nothing?  Because of who HE is.

Psalm 139 tells us that he knows us, He knows every word before it is ever on our tongue. He knit us together in our mother's womb and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

So, I am resting in these words today. He knows me and my son, and he wants us on our best day and our worst day (and we have lots of worst days around here). There is NOTHING that is too big or too much for God, and that he hears our requests. We just need to listen for his response...

I'm thankful for such a loving friend.  A friend who can put God's love into action with simple words of acceptance.  If I fully rest in the fact that there is nothing to worry about, fear and anxiety will not have a hold on me, keeping me from doing things. 

And I am going to bring my kids along for our next get together...May the force be with you!


xoxo,
Chele

Gratitude

There is a lot going on here lately and sitting down to write a post has been difficult.  It's been difficult to find the time.  But honestly, it's been difficult to figure out exactly WHAT to say...

In short, a quick summary would include that we continue to go to therapy sessions and psychologist appointments, and we have pushed forward to register D for kindergarten.  A recent conference with his wonderful preschool teacher confirmed that he is academically ready for kindergarten.  However, he continues to have difficulty in the area of social-emotional development.  We do not have a formal diagnosis for him as of yet.

The longer version would include that struggles continue at home and in school with his behavior and attention to tasks.  It would include the busyness of appointments that keep us running every. single. day.  The baby is restless when we are not at home for his naps and this leads to poor night time sleep for him (and me). Potty training continues with our daughter - and she can be tough as nails stubborn.  I am struggling with a feeling that I need to do something different, something more to help him. Mixed in with the struggles, there is joy.  There is joy in the endearing way D talks about Star Wars - he will school you in knowledge of the characters and battles, though he's never seen the movies.  I love watching D and his siblings interact, the way he leads them and loves them (and agitates them...).  I'm grateful to be able to be at home to witness God working in each of their hearts.  He is faithful, and I have seen that each step, as he provides family and friends (old and new) to share this experience with us.

And because I do not walk this road alone, I want to take a moment to express gratitude to all who are walking this road with us, helping us, praying for us, and encouraging us.

I have been blessed with a wonderful family, who on most days step in to help without me even asking.  And when I do ask, they move mountains to come to my rescue.  I am grateful to the friends who listen to me share my heart and my struggles.  Dylan's teachers, past and present, work so hard to help him and encourage him along.  And thankfully he is progressing.

More still, my heart overflows with gratitude for the man with whom I walk this road.  He works so hard to provide for us, while he tends to the needs of others all day in his office.  Yet he comes home to listen to me re-hash the craziness of my day while simultaneously overlooking the piles of laundry and dishes that I didn't get to during the day.  I am thankful for his love and leadership.

Through it all, God carries me - and I know that he is faithful to his promises.  His faithfulness bigger than any one of my struggles.  And for that I am thankful.

Have a wonderful week - and thank you again for walking along side of us.

xoxo,
Chele

Reward

I must start this post with a disclaimer - it's going to be a lengthy one.  So...for the few of you who have decided to stick around and read, here goes :)

Behavior charts have been around for a while, and for some it is quite an effective strategy. As I mentioned here, the psychologist asked us to begin an interactive behavior chart with D.  He struggles with anger/frustration and it manifests in both verbal and physical outbursts.  And he goes from 0 to 60 pretty quickly...

The concept of the chart was this - a sticker was given if the negative behavior was not committed and an "X" if it was.  We were to give one warning when the behavior started, asking him if he wanted to continue the behavior and get an "X".  If he stopped, no "X".  Stickers were given when he did not have any of the problem behaviors during the day, which was broken into AM/PM.  D was required to participate by placing only the stickers; Mom and Dad would mark the "X".  I was told we could offer a small reward at the end of the week for having all stickers.  And she stated that we would ultimately be moving toward more substantial rewards (not just stickers).

Okay, so what's the problem?  

Well, what would your chart look like?  Mine?  Well it certainly would NOT be all stickers!  So many times throughout the day I yell, I lose patience unnecessarily, I selfishly lay down when the kids want to play, I grumble when someone cuts me off in traffic...

The idea that we are rewarded for good behavior, or that we can earn things from being good is completely counter to the gospel message that I want my children to know and understand.

It's simply, yet profoundly explained in the children's bible that I read to my kids - God loves you with a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.  Good behavior does not earn you God's love, nor does bad behavior put you any further away from His love.  It's called grace - when God loves us anyway, even though we don't deserve it.  And when we begin to know God's grace, we can extend it to others as we often need to do daily (like when someone cuts me off in traffic!).  

• For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9) 

• But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

In the end, I want D to make better choices with his frustration, anger, and aggression, but most importantly want him to know that God loves him unconditionally as he struggles to do so.  And that when he makes a bad choice, God loves him and we love him. I want him to have a heart for God and strive to live according to His Word, not mine.

And you know what?  There is freedom in knowing that you don't have to be perfect.  Because we can never be as perfect as the One who created all things.   But He loves us anyway.

So, my heart is to extend grace to D when he has these outburst of frustration/anger - and spend time talking it through with him.  And that takes a lot - a lot of patience, a lot of time, and a lot of wisdom, none of which come easy to this mama.  I find that so much of this parenting experience is molding me. And I'm sure there will be many days that my attempts to help D will earn me an "X" and not a sticker. But, thankfully there is grace and forgiveness from a God who loves us, and his grace is sufficient.

My prayer is to keep the conversation going and hope that he begins to understand from where his strength comes.

xoxo,

Chele

PS - I did share my concerns with the psychologist.  I promise to share more about that later. 

Happy Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday to our sweet Ava!

She came into this world on a snowy morning - weighing 7 lbs. 5 oz.  And she was loved on by her big brother immediately.

It's hard to believe that 3 years have gone by and she has become such an energetic little lady!

We look forward to many more milestones and celebrations!

xoxo,

Chele