It went a little something like this...
"Mommy, can you help me put on this pretty dress" (the 4th one and it's only 9 am).
"Not right now, mommy is trying to get ready for work"
Repeat a few more times.
Insert growing frustration that I am unable to put on 3 articles of clothing without interruption... and forget about drying my hair or applying a little make up. And then she asked again...
And I responded.
"Ava! Mommy can't help you now! Go play something else, you don't need another dress...Geez..."
I am ashamed of the tone that I used with my innocent little 3 year old. Honestly, ashamed.
My stress level has been through the roof lately. There is a lot going on and it's overwhelming trying to manage it all. It's overwhelming from the simple tasks of running my home {and the monstrous piles of laundry could swallow a small child....hmm...maybe just for a few hours??} to the decisions we need to make with D's new diagnosis {more on that later}.
The truth is that my time with God has taken a backseat with all that is going on. And the further I distance myself from Him and His Word, the more impatient/irritable I become. And my children feel the brunt of that.
Just like my 3 year old who simply wanted some acknowledgment and a little bit of my time, I too desire someone to understand how I am feeling. Someone to help me through and to offer me encouragement. What I have found to be true over and over again is that God is the only one who can fully fill that void. Every human heart, no matter how good intentioned, will falter {see above :-)}. Even if we run away for a while or are overly needy, He doesn't respond to us the way I did to Ava. He is full of grace and mercy. He loves us anyway, flaws and all.
He is refining me every step, and often through seemingly routine happenings in our home. The moment I heard my voice raise at Ava in frustration, I was convicted. It wasn't the dresses or the sweet little girl that was the problem, it was my own heart. I am thankful for this real life lesson from my 3 year old. I am sure there are many more to come...
xoxo,
Chele
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