Reward

I must start this post with a disclaimer - it's going to be a lengthy one.  So...for the few of you who have decided to stick around and read, here goes :)

Behavior charts have been around for a while, and for some it is quite an effective strategy. As I mentioned here, the psychologist asked us to begin an interactive behavior chart with D.  He struggles with anger/frustration and it manifests in both verbal and physical outbursts.  And he goes from 0 to 60 pretty quickly...

The concept of the chart was this - a sticker was given if the negative behavior was not committed and an "X" if it was.  We were to give one warning when the behavior started, asking him if he wanted to continue the behavior and get an "X".  If he stopped, no "X".  Stickers were given when he did not have any of the problem behaviors during the day, which was broken into AM/PM.  D was required to participate by placing only the stickers; Mom and Dad would mark the "X".  I was told we could offer a small reward at the end of the week for having all stickers.  And she stated that we would ultimately be moving toward more substantial rewards (not just stickers).

Okay, so what's the problem?  

Well, what would your chart look like?  Mine?  Well it certainly would NOT be all stickers!  So many times throughout the day I yell, I lose patience unnecessarily, I selfishly lay down when the kids want to play, I grumble when someone cuts me off in traffic...

The idea that we are rewarded for good behavior, or that we can earn things from being good is completely counter to the gospel message that I want my children to know and understand.

It's simply, yet profoundly explained in the children's bible that I read to my kids - God loves you with a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.  Good behavior does not earn you God's love, nor does bad behavior put you any further away from His love.  It's called grace - when God loves us anyway, even though we don't deserve it.  And when we begin to know God's grace, we can extend it to others as we often need to do daily (like when someone cuts me off in traffic!).  

• For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9) 

• But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) 

In the end, I want D to make better choices with his frustration, anger, and aggression, but most importantly want him to know that God loves him unconditionally as he struggles to do so.  And that when he makes a bad choice, God loves him and we love him. I want him to have a heart for God and strive to live according to His Word, not mine.

And you know what?  There is freedom in knowing that you don't have to be perfect.  Because we can never be as perfect as the One who created all things.   But He loves us anyway.

So, my heart is to extend grace to D when he has these outburst of frustration/anger - and spend time talking it through with him.  And that takes a lot - a lot of patience, a lot of time, and a lot of wisdom, none of which come easy to this mama.  I find that so much of this parenting experience is molding me. And I'm sure there will be many days that my attempts to help D will earn me an "X" and not a sticker. But, thankfully there is grace and forgiveness from a God who loves us, and his grace is sufficient.

My prayer is to keep the conversation going and hope that he begins to understand from where his strength comes.

xoxo,

Chele

PS - I did share my concerns with the psychologist.  I promise to share more about that later. 

Happy Birthday

Happy 3rd Birthday to our sweet Ava!

She came into this world on a snowy morning - weighing 7 lbs. 5 oz.  And she was loved on by her big brother immediately.

It's hard to believe that 3 years have gone by and she has become such an energetic little lady!

We look forward to many more milestones and celebrations!

xoxo,

Chele

Moving along...

We are moving along on this road!  D began occupational therapy this week.  It couldn't have gone smoother!  He was very receptive to his new therapist.  And the motivation of a pretzel stick at the end of the session is helpful as well!

I was able to observe the first session, which put my heart at ease.  His therapist is wonderful.  She made it fun and functional.  We were even sent home with some "homework" to do between sessions, which is practicing his handwriting with proper orientation of the letters from top to bottom.  Now, we shall see how he does for me when I ask him to sit down and practice!  Previous experiences were riddled with lack of attention and frustration (on both sides).  Much of his difficulty with writing is due to weakness in his hands, which they are working on with other activities in therapy.  So my prayer is that our attempts to practice are successful and enjoyable.  One of my main goals in this is for D to have a positive outlook on school and not to hate it because it is difficult.  

Moving along...

Have you ever dropped the ball on something that needed to be done?  I admittedly just stalled on this behavior chart that we were supposed to be working on with D - and he even called me out about not doing it!  Smart little guy.  We were given the directions from the child psychologist over a week ago...eek!   I know!  Mainly, it was the busyness of life that kept putting it off, but something is nagging at my heart about what this behavior chart establishes and what it is teaching.  I'll expand more about the behavioral stuff in the next post, especially because I'm still praying about this, trying to heed his voice and not my own thoughts/opinions.  For now, I finally put the chart into effect TODAY.  We'll try it for a few days and will follow up with the psychologist next week.  

Thank you for walking this road with us.  I'm off to get ready for a birthday party for a sweet 'lil (almost) 3 year old.  Have a great weekend!

xoxo,
Chele

Overwhelmed

During a typical day here, I usually manage to find enough kid free seconds to run outside to grab the mail.  As I was fanning through the mail pile last week, it finally came - D's occupational therapy evaluation.  I had been waiting for the written document for about 2 weeks.  I was anxious to see what the OT found after spending about 45 minutes with D.  I opened the envelope and sat down immediately to read it.  Somehow I managed to tune out the kids singing, playing, and crying for mommy for about 5 minutes...

As I glanced through the first page, I read that D was given a diagnosis of dyspraxia.  Immediately, I was filled with an anxious feeling that almost moved me to tears - I was so overwhelmed with fear and questions.  Why does D have to endure these difficulties?  Will I be able to help?  How can we do this with three little ones at home?  Will his peers understand?  

Then I was quickly reminded what God has to say about worrying.  In the gospel of Matthew, he addresses the issue this way:

Matthew 6:25-27
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Exhale....that's better. I continued to read the lengthy document.  The OT performed a few standardized assessments on him.  Where the most difficulty appears is with his auditory and visual processing as well as difficulty with handwriting and sensory integration.  There are several areas that will be addressed.  Additionally, they have recommended sessions 2x per week for 6 months, then review his progress.  Here are a few of the goals that they will be working toward in his occupational therapy sessions:

• To improve sensory processing to understand and effectively interact with people and objects in the home and community.
• Will improve ocular motor skills for greater success in eye-hand coordination, writing, and reading tasks.
• To improve visual motor skills to improve accuracy with pre-writing and handwriting skills.

The upcoming week is going to be full of new in this house - D will begin regular sessions of occupational therapy, which is twice per week.  We are initiating a behavioral chart based on the recommendations of the child psychologist.  We are also squeezing in a small birthday celebration for our sweet A, who will be turning 3!  I would appreciate your prayers this week - and I hope that you can rest in God's promise to take care of you, no matter how overwhelmed you may feel!

xoxo,
Chele

Welcome

Welcome family and friends.  Thank you for joining me here to follow along with the usual and unusual happenings in our family.  I am grateful for each one of you!  Why start a blog?  Well, thanks for asking...

Simply stated, I want to keep you all up to date on what is happening over here.  And with our latest adventure with D, it has become exhausting to tell it over and over again.  So, here you will find updates on D and his progress as well as our progress, struggles, and triumphs.  

For those of you who may not know what is going on with our sweet D, I'll catch you up quickly.  D is a rambunctious and energetic 5 year old with a heart for others and passion for life.  I'm so blessed to be his mama.  But with his passionate nature, he also exhibits a real difficult time transitioning and coping with any change in his normal routine.  With the help and support of his wonderful preschool teacher, we also began to notice some sensory integration issues. We discussed these issues with his pediatrician.  And now, we are walking a road filled with therapy evaluations, treatment sessions, and behavior modification.

Thank you for joining us on THIS ROAD...I am grateful for your prayers and support.